I'm so fucking centered right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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