Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
