i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
