Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
