even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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