i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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