I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
