and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
