Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
