I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
