Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
