I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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