Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
