Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
