I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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