Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
