All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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