saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
