I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
