the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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