you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
