I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
