Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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