i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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