Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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