it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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