why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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