And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
