Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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