the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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