Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
