I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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