I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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