she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
