This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
