You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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