Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
