Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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