That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why do cheetos always look like penises
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
