i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
