It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
