there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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