I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
