i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
