We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
