After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
