3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
