Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
