sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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