my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
this will be a night to untag.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
