Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
