not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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