That's when you crack a 10am beer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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