He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
