Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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