I CAN MOONWALK!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
