im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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