i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
