I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
