Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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