You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
