i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
