She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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