went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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