How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
