You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
