last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
