My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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