I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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